Unconditional love is so powerful that it can CREATE a person. The absence of unconditional love can BREAK a person too.
Ever thought that person could be your little one as well. Children need unconditional love from parents to feel secure and blossom into a self-assured adult.
Love means unconditional, right? Is there something called conditional love? I am afraid there is!
Believe me, without realizing it, we often put a condition on our love.
We end up threatening our kids like –
- If you do not do your homework, Mumma will not love you
- If you lie to me, you will break Papa’s heart
- If you don’t finish this glass of milk, Mumma will never talk to you
- If you don’t listen to me, I won’t let you go down to play.
Some of us sometimes even use love as a bribe with our kids as a joke. We tell them things like,
- Do well at school and daddy will love you more
- Score 90%+ and only then I will believe you are worthy of my affection
Such statements are conditional love. These kinds of statements instill fear in the child –
- Fear of losing the love of parents
- Fear of losing their attention
- Fear of being left out
- Fear of not being able to meet the parent’s expectations
We completely understand that your intention as parents is towards disciplining the child, but these statements only hold them at emotional ransom which might shake their self-confidence.
Love is not called love if it is not unconditional.
Putting up conditions for getting a work done by the child is a way to root in a complex in them. They will not see the positive intention behind the work to be done but they will always link their work with negative consequences. This will always hamper your relationship and image with the child. They will think that you will always come up with a deal before assigning them some work. If he/she doesn’t go buy the deal, something very bad will happen to them.
They will always have the mindset that they cannot do anything according to themselves. They will live by your ways and conditions forever.
When this happens,
The child might create either of these two personalities-
1. Dwell in silence.
2. Be stubborn and difficult.
Dwell in silence:
When the kid knows that he/she will always be scolded or be called a “disappointment”, they might not stand up for themselves. They will stay quiet and listen to everything you say which will create anxiety and depression in them.
As time passes, they will turn into serious introverts and will never speak up for themselves which will hamper their social life as well as their careers. In the end, their silence will affect their whole life and they will blame you for it. They will either continue to do the same or else will have a burst of depression in front of you, which will have very harsh consequences.
Be stubborn and difficult:
The kid might start opposing everything from his/her childhood. They will start giving back answers because they have a similar temperament as their mom or dad. They will lose their patience and give up. They will always want things to go according to them and won’t stand you saying any negative things to them. They might answer back in rude tones, might break things, lock themselves in the room and do so much more out of our imagination.
They could also go into substance abuse and alcohol behind your backs and wouldn’t even care if you scold them. Because you have been putting up deals in front of them for so long that it doesn’t have any value anymore. They will start taking you for granted.
Let’s look at an example:
A friend of mine, Sobha loves to say, “Look at a pet dog. Even if you ill-treat the dog, it will wag the tail happily, jump on you and shower love on you, when you get home. That, my friend, is unconditional love.”
Are you wondering why does your child need such unconditional love?
In a family that shares unconditional love, a child grows up feeling close to his parents…
With such love, your child will confide in you and become a safe and secure individual. Your child will know that you will not leave him/her just because he/she has made some mistake. The child should get a feeling that you will talk to your them when he/she commits grave mistakes but will be there for them, no matter what.
When you love your child unconditionally, irrespective of how much they score, how well they perform, the way they look, how smart they are, etc. your child will find a best friend in you. And trust me, nothing could be better than that.
And you can always tell them the repercussions of their mistakes, but, without casting a doubt on love. When we focus on the quality of the child, rather than the results they produce, it is a sign of pure unconditional love.
If you are already showering your child with unconditional love, you are a WOW Parent!
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