24 Apr

How threats damage your child’s personality and self-esteem

parents use threats

At some point of parenthood, we all have used threats. Parents use threats to keep their children under check. 

Many parents think that threats is the only way to make children listen to you. Using it can be harmful for children.

What are these threats that parents usually used for their children?

Let’s explore a few examples –

  1. If you don’t listen to Mumma, I will hand you over to the police.
  2. Witches will come and take you away if you don’t listen to me.
  3. If you don’t listen to me, I will not talk to you.
  4. If you don’t complete this, you will not get that chocolate.
  5. No holidays for you this summer, if you don’t get the work done.
  6. I will not allow you to go down to pay if you don’t listen.
  7. I will give you away if you don’t eat this right now.

If you want children to listen to you, you think, that threats are the only option. But did you seek for any other way? Do you know the amount of harm it is causing for your children.

There are a few classic ways in which these threats have an impact on the children.

For example:

I will listen to you just because you are threatening me and things are in YOUR control. But the day your threats don’t matter, you will lose complete control.

Threats work with a child only till the child is independent.

When we continue to threaten our kids, one day, sooner or later, kids will turn around and say “Do what you want, I am not going to listen to you.” That day, you have lost the special bond with your child, forever.

Threats brings scars on Parent-child bonding.

Threats make the other person believe, “I am not good enough, therefore punishment is the only answer my parents have”.

Parents use threats that create complexes in children.

Compliance because of threats is a very short term. It always has repercussions. Therefore, it may not be worthwhile at all.
Threatening is never positive,instead talk to your child with respect. Children are very sensitive, hence, giving them respect builds their self-esteem. Parents use threats, destroy self-esteem.
Stop threatening your child for anything and everything. Think about the creative ways.

Can you think of some ways?
If not, hold on, we have some for you:

  1.  Children need inspiration to work.
  2. Think if you can playfully get it done?
  3. Make a special request.
  4. Appeal to the nobility of your child.
  5. Try and make the work interesting.
  6. Can you mention of an invisible peer pressure, help you to get it done?
  7. Maybe, you can get the work done as a favor to you?
  8. Lure the rewards/recognition and get the work done by your child.
  9. Can silent treatment get it done?
  10. Can appreciation get it done?

Sometimes it can be irritating.  We completely understand that. However, in the long-term interests of your child, our strong suggestion is, respect your child in spite of everything. Cooperation in innovative ways can complete the things faster.

Once you get the knack of it, it is going to super excite you. You may lose the ability to threaten. You will love yourself for the same.
Long story made short,
Give up on trying to ‘control’ your kid. Rather, establish a relationship of understanding. Explain the concerns, the errors, the practices necessary and set boundaries. Have a no-nonsense approach everywhere required.

However hard it is, respectfully discuss issues with your child and set mutually amicable boundaries. Respect, don’t threaten. Discuss, don’t order. Guide, don’t control. Convince, don’t threaten.

Learn through our blogs or access the complete WOW Parenting course on your phone.

Narendra Goidani
Parenting Coach/Expert @ WOW Parenting Naren is a dreamer and a people lover. An unshakable optimist, he strives towards building a better world where everyone has a beautiful story to tell. He strongly believes that incredible parenting can change every human being’s life journey to something phenomenal. And that is his “Why” for building Wow Parenting.

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