Moms are Heroes. No place for Guilt.
“Mom, a title just above Queen.”
Imagine the life of a lady with a family. She would wake up around 6:00-6:30 am. For an hour or even more, she makes sure that everything is going on properly in the house. She looks at the cleaning of the house, the clothes are going for washing. It doesn’t matter if she is working or is a homemaker. She would struggle with tasks, deadlines, and other people. If she is a homemaker, she will rush to make lunch for the people in the house. She will clean every room and look at what needs to be done more. A lady hustles miraculously between all her chores and her children chattering around her, playing. She manages hundreds of tasks until she finally goes to bed.
She wants to be the best mother possible for her children. She wants to be the best daughter for her parents even though she doesn’t stay with her parents. She struggles to be the perfect wife for her husband. A lady does more to keep the home breathing than anyone else in the family. Ironically, she still has a tiny guilt factor of wanting to do more. Let’s look at this guilt factor a little deeper.
Let’s say one day something disturbing happens at her workplace. Maybe the job is confusing. Maybe the boss has lectured everyone in the meeting. She comes home with a disturbed mindset. If her children come running towards her, asking to play, there are chances she might yell at them. Later on, when her anger melts, she realized her mistake of shouting her children for no apparent reason. She ends up feeling for guilty not spending enough time with her children.
So, if she is upset and shouts at her children she will feel guilty. If she is busy with many chores at home, she will feel guilty of not spending enough time with her children. If her children commit some mistake, she will again feel guilty about, ‘Where did I go wrong? What did I miss that my child made this mistake?’
Unfortunately, we live in the society where everyone will point at the mother saying, “tumhare laad Pyaar ne ise bigada hai.” So the guilt is pounded on a woman’s shoulder or should we say ‘Strong shoulder’. This sometimes, makes her feel that maybe she was wrong, maybe she should have paid more attention.
There are three things a woman finds herself guilty for:
- Unintentional bad behaviour from her side.
- Not spending enough time with her children.
- Children committing mistakes.
Here we feel the need to put out some strategies for you ladies. With these strategies, no woman in this world will feel guilty.
1. Take time to simply enjoy yourself
Let’s be a little realistic. Look at your 24 hours. Now, divide these hours into 3 beautiful parts. Part no. 1 should be for yourself. Imagine you have a car if the car isn’t taken care of, how long will the car run? We have a house if the house isn’t clean enough who will we live there? We have clothes, if the clothes aren’t washed daily how are we supposed to wear them? We take care of every important thing we have. Why not take time out to take care of yourself beautifully well?
Do what you enjoy. Do things that is your hobby. Do what makes you laugh. Do things which to you are fun. Have the time of your life. You deserve it. You love to listen to music, listen to good music. You love to dance, put on the music of your choice. Turn up the volume and dance your heart out. Just forget the world and have a good time.
The second 1/3rd of your time should go to your important works. Maybe that’s your office work. Maybe your house chores. This is the time you should invest in doing important work of your home and profession.
The last 3rd of your day should and must go in developing your self. To grow yourself for the future. Learn something new for your career. If you are a homemaker, learn to make new delicious dishes. Join some art class that interests you. Learn to make healthy food so that the health of the people who are dependant on you remains beautifully well. Learn how to draw. Learn how to paint. Learn how to dance. Just do things which will develop yourself.
Read More: The role of the father in child development
2. Have some time saved for parenting
In the midst of hours where you have to work, take some time out for parenting. Decide an hour, half an hour or maybe 45 mins. Now, use these minutes for your children. Simply listen to your children all this time. Don’t judge them, don’t define them, don’t guide or don’t ask many questions. Simply open heartedly listen. You will see magic happen here. You will realize the bonding between you and your children increasing. You will develop a stronger bond with your children. Very soon, before you know it, you will become great friends to your children.
It is not the quantity of time you give to your child. It is the quality of efforts you put in the time you have with your child. Children need to feel secure. They need to believe in themselves. What else children need? Half an hour is sufficient to do that. A 15 minutes great conversation is sufficient. They feel secure as they know that there is somebody who will listen to them. Your children will be more than happy to spend time with you.
Read More: How to build a strong parent-child relationship
3. Train your family to anticipate your mood
If we go out to drive on a road, we will find some loopholes there. Everything and everyone has their own loophole points. You might be at your best most of the times. But, there will be times where you won’t be able to control yourself, your anger. It will be like blowing a fuse. You know yourself well enough to understand what triggers these points in you. Have a conversation with your husband and children. Let them know the things that will push you to the end and make you react furiously. Kindly ask them to avoid these things to happen to help you out.
Let them know, ‘Even if I get furious at some time, be a little patient. Don’t define me at that time. Don’t judge me. Just tolerate me and love me a little that time. I will be back to my best very soon.’ so the next time if you are not at your best they will be pretty cool and understand you.
Read More: Parenting guide on how to effectively deal with teenage attitude
4. Feeling guilty about, ‘what if my children don’t come up well?’
Do you know the farmer puts very hard efforts in all the seeds he puts inside the ground? Well, sometimes due to some events which aren’t under control of the farmer some seeds don’t germinate. Some are eaten up by the rats. Some are taken away by the water. While some just die. But, there are some which come out very well. The same way parents put all their efforts very well in the of their children. But, there are other factors to be considered as well. The social network, the friend circle of children, other experiences children have outside also affected them.
So in case if your child doesn’t come up well, don’t blame yourself. For whatsoever reason they come up like that it isn’t up to you. Don’t regret things you have done in past. Instead, if your child goes off track for some reason think ‘What can be done?’ with the right support, with the right motivation, every child will come up to be a dream child for their parents. It might take a while, but it will happen.
Relevant: What Is neglectful parenting – Its effects, characteristics etc.
If you are a mother you should not have guilt for whatsoever reason. Feel proud of yourself. Just imagine how beautiful it will be when not a single mother feels guilty. When she feels proud of the hard work she does. When she admires her efforts to make everything great for everyone else. Above all, when she puts efforts to make herself happy. You have the time of your life woman. Live it up to the fullest. You deserve a pat on your back. Own it. Live your life wonderfully well. Adorn your beautiful smile as an ornament because it is precious.