When Love Destroys
Our son Dhyann is 5 and he gets homework on Fridays. It was a Monday morning. Dhyann was doing his homework and eating breakfast. We were helping him where he got stuck. That’s when it struck me. Our love is destroying him. The homework should have been done earlier. By allowing him to do it now, we are teaching him ‘its ok to do things at the last moment’. We should let him go to school without the homework and face his teacher. Next time, there would be a greater chance of him doing the homework on time.
Recently I had visited a dear friend in Bangalore. Their 8 year daughter Khushi is a sweetheart. Khushi’s school bus service provides a tracking app which tells her exactly where the bus is. That morning, she was late and missed the bus. She had come back home with a tear in her eye. Immediately, her father, my dear friend, picked up the car keys and offered to drop her to school. I tagged along. As we were waiting for the lift, my friend’s wife quipped – when I was late for school, my father made me stay at home the entire day. I had to face my teachers the next day. After that, I was never late. We all smiled and remarked what a brilliant thing her father did. Yet, we still dropped Khushi to school by car!
Love creates. But, it also destroys.
I love myself.
I do everything to create myself. I am careful of what I eat. I exercise. I meditate. I plan my days. I avoid distractions. I set goals. My love is creative.
Yet, everything now and then, I slip. Earlier, I would myself feeling really bad about my slips. I would fill myself with regrets. I would look for justification – ‘It was not my fault!’, ‘I have never done this before, so how could I know’, ‘There was too much traffic!’. I would justify and shy away from admitting my mistake. I would defend myself. My love was destructive.
Nowadays, I don’t start cursing myself. I don’t start hating myself. I don’t start beating myself up. I admit my shortcomings. I accept my slip-up. I accept the consequences with a smile on my face.
Tough consequences are my friends. They are reminders to me for the improvements and changes I need to make. I allow my love to create me.
Recently, Dhyann lost some pieces of his favourite Lego set. He cried a lot. He asked me to buy some new ones. I smiled. I hugged him. I let him calm down. I suggested some alternate pieces he can use. But, I calmly refused to buy the pieces that he lost. We brainstormed together, and he came up with ideas how to store his Lego set better so pieces would not be lost. He came up with a brilliant idea – to keep all the pieces together in a large tub! They will never get lot! True love can be tough, but always creates.
The question I ask myself is this – Is my love creative or destructive? Am I willing to allow consequences to be faced, or am I rushing to protect and hide?