As a rule, unrealistic expectations can destroy any relationship. The same rule applies when parenting your little one as well. Unrealistic expectations shatter the confidence of your child. Your child starts feeling, they are not good enough.
Don’t you think so?
Parents who have very high expectations from their children tend to set unrealistic expectations. They do this without having proper communication with the child. Super ambitious parents tend to push their children a little too much. They want their children to be the best at what they do. In the process of pushing them, they end up setting unrealistic expectations.
Such children tend to grow up in some kind of a fortress. Physically, they may be free and pampered too. But, mentally and emotionally, sometimes socially too, they are prisoners inside a fortress of ‘unrealistic expectations. These children are like birds inside a cage.
Unrealistic expectations create unpleasant stress for our kids. Do you know how?
Having expectations is nice. You can play a role in encouraging your kids. Expectations make us look forward to tomorrow.
It helps us to break our comfort zones and grow.
Moreover, it also helps us to understand where do we have a scope for improvement.
Unrealistic expectations, on the other hand, destroys a person. This is especially true in case of overly competitive parents who want their kids to be super achievers. You need to let the kid breath. Help kids make incremental changes.
For example, if your child scores 50 percent marks, expecting her/him to score 75 percent the very next time is unrealistic. Start with 55%, then 60% and slowly move to 75%.
Even if it takes a few years for the child to become good in studies, it’s okay. They will enjoy the process and grow as individuals.
Inspire them to grow slowly and consistently.
You don’t want your child to watch TV or play on a mobile phone. Well, look at the world we live in. Kids not using devices these days, and not watching TV at all, is unreasonable. Extremities never help anyone. Moderation in everything is key. Let them watch TV or play games for a couple of hours.
Teach them discipline and adherence to timelines.
Your kid eats one chocolate every day but you don’t want him to touch another bar of chocolate from today. ‘This is a completely unrealistic expectation, as the child has been eating at least one chocolate every day. It is a complete change of a habit that is not possible overnight.
Small changes at a time, like one chocolate in two days is more realistic to start with.
Do you have unrealistic expectations or no?
Here’s a small activity you can try,
Look in a mirror and say, “If I was the child’s place, would it be possible for me to do it?”. Don’t just say yes for the sake of it, mirror it with your life. Mirror it with your experiences.
Take a moment and think,
What are the profound changes that you have made overnight in the past?
Having expectations is great, that is what helps the child improve. Expectations create better and stronger self-esteem as well. If you have unrealistic high expectations, where the child knows he/she will fail and disappoint others, it will shatter the child’s self-esteem. Your child will never want to try anything new as you have set the bar way too high.
The next time you set unrealistic expectations for your kind, step into his shoes and see if you could have done it or not. That will give you all your answers.
Happy Parenting to you!