We, new generation parents, are hard wired to protect our children from any kind of harm or discomfort. I bet, when we were growing up, our parents did not worry so much about us. They let us fall and get hurt.
Sometimes it is necessary for kids to experience little moments of disappointment and frustrations. This helps drive home important lessons. In order to discipline some strong-willed kids, tough love is the best way forward.
So what is this tough love?
Tough love involves handling difficult situations in parenting with patience, empathy, absolutely, respect, and love. The acronym for ‘tough love’ is PEARL.
Have Empathy for them.
Be Absolutely steadfast and unmoved with their emotional tantrums.
Have Respect for them in your behavior and voice.
Continue to Love them, no matter what.
Imagine a child who screams when they get upset or angry. Now telling him sternly or yelling at him helplessly going “Stop screaming!” is absolutely useless. That’s being rough.
In the same situation, if you were practicing tough love, you will understand the struggle that your child is going through but you know how necessary it is for them to face it. “You let go when you have to, and you hold on when you need to. That’s tough love.”
How does tough love work?
- Tough love works by conveying to your kids that you love them, but whatever they are doing is ‘Not Okay’. You convey your displeasure and the reason behind that, with respect and dignity.
- Through tough love, you help your kids realize that they need to accept the consequences of their choices.
- Tough love says that you love your child AND you ‘respectfully plus lovingly’ teach your child how to learn and grow.
- In tough love, when you hold on to the rules, your child may be miffed with you temporarily but that passes. Your child learns the importance of why his mumma or pappa, who love him so much, are telling him to look at things in a particular manner.
On the other hand…
Rough love is about harsh disciplining techniques. Screaming, hitting, calling your child names, and insulting them to impose your rules and discipline regimes is rough love
In rough love, with harsh discipline, the child is left with deep hurt and anguish that leads to complexes, which eventually turns to lack of self esteem in kids.
Tough love heals and helps build healthy self esteem in your kids…
So what would you like to practice? Tough love or rough love? You can decide after watching this video on Harsh Discipline. In fact, why not watch the whole free series on “Building Self Esteem” in kids?