Validation, a Life Changing way of Raising a child
Are you thinking what does validation have to do with raising a child?
As adults, we need validation and it’s also important while raising a child.
- When we dress up for an occasion, don’t we want to know how we look?
- When we give a presentation, don’t we want to know if our colleagues liked it?.
- When we perform on stage, wouldn’t we love to know if the audience loved our performance?
You know, most of us like to be told how awesome we are. We wish to be told that we are a great spouse, parent, colleague, friend, brother, mother etc.. It makes us feel good. That is exactly what validation is.
- A simple word of acknowledgment can count as validation.
- If you simply hold the hand of your child and tell them that “Yes, you are on the right track”, it counts as validation.
- If you ruffle their hair lovingly, its validation.
- You pat them on the back, its validation.
- You appreciate them to your friends, it is validation.
- They see you looking at their pictures, certificates, medals, letters, post-it notes et al, it is validation.
Acknowledgment or validation becomes very important while raising a child. One part of the story is in knowing he/she is good, but it is a whole new story when there is validation from someone the child looks up to (parents). It reassures the child that they are really worth it. Yes, it’s true! How YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, is a huge validation for them. It defines their self-worth more than anything else.
Validation is a very powerful parenting tool used while raising a child.
Validation from parents helps develop confidence in your child. When times are tough, these memories of validation will keep them going. When they keep going, they will overcome all the obstacles that life will throw at them.
When your kids help their friends, or get their math problem right, or simply share their dessert with their siblings and you appreciate them for that, you are validating how good they are.
How about, validating the right instead of pointing out the wrong, when raising a child
Often as parents, we make a classic mistake. Everything the child does right, we take it for granted. Everything they do wrong, we tend to point it out. ( In some cases, multiple time ).
- Visualize, the child is late from school for they were engaged in post-school bantering with their friends.
- Imagine, your child wakes up later than they had promised.
- Has it happened, they forgot to recharge the TV subscription?
How did we deal with them? Did we point out their misses, emphatically and sometimes crudely too?
Or, did we say, “Hey buddy, what’s up?’ Then look at them with all the love in our eyes and just say, “I remember last Saturday, you slept a little late yet woke up on time. That was brilliant ya.”
When the child gets 60% in one subject whereas 90%+ in all others, the one he scored fewer marks will be highly talked about, and the others in which he scored good marks is taken for granted.
Imagine, you had to pay the electricity bill. The due date is near and you have been caught up in some other work. You forget to pay the bill on the due date. Now, you are tensed about the electricity cut off and the problems you’ll go through after it’s cut.
What will be the reaction of your family members? They will scold you, taunt you and won’t stop till you pay the bill.
This is the first time you have forgot to pay the bill because you were caught up in work. This your family won’t understand but it was your work and you couldn’t complete it.
Won’t you feel that they are focusing just on the negative aspect? They should also focus on all the times you paid the bill on or before time? They took all the good things for granted and focused only on the ONE time you forgot.
This is the same situation with children. Validate everything that is right when raising a child. Don’t take everything that is good and right for granted. The enemy, in this case, is taking the right things for granted.
Did you know whatever you give attention to, gets developed?
For example, when working out, if you pay more attention to your biceps, your biceps will develop. If as parents you start giving attention to all the rights things the child is doing, that which is right will get further developed.
If you appreciate your kids for watering that little plant, keeping their shelves clean, helping you out with something etc., you are giving energy to their positive actions. And those positive traits in our kids would then develop.
The greatest validation in life for children does not come from their friends, teachers, strangers or neighbors, it comes from their parents. Fill the life of your children with validation. You are their SUPERHERO after all!
So validate and help your kids develop. Imagine your kids naturally correcting their mistakes and doing more of the right thing! Just the thought is comforting, right? Validating their actions would bring you exactly that.
The fact that you are reading till here, shows that you are a sincere and committed parent. I am confident you must be doing a fantastic job as a parent. Despite your busy schedule, you are finding time to learn how to be a better parent. This deserves an ovation! Keep it up. There! I just validated YOU.
If you are already doing it, you are a WOW Parent.
Superb guide for parents
Yeah that’s scary! Attention always feeds them. Right or wrong, needful or useless, kids tend to nurture the ones that gets attention.