Kids make mistakes. That’s just how they learn. However, in our fast-paced, uber stressful lives, managing kids can be tricky. Sometimes, anger gets the best of us and we don’t treat our kids well. That could lead to inadvertent abuse towards our kids. Some of us also think that kids need a particular kind of “disciplining.” This disciplining could just be “abuse.”
What is emotional abuse? Inducing guilt and fear in children, enticing them to become angry, disrespecting them by using condescending words and actions, is emotional abuse.
Manipulating them emotionally by holding them to ransom, saying things like
“I won’t love you if you keep doing this,”
“What you did hurt papa, so you are not a good child”
“Do this again and I will beat the hell out of you,”
…are the kind of statements that propagate emotional abuse. Being screamed at is also abuse that lowers the self esteem of your child. Honestly, who likes to be yelled at? The instant reaction of adults as well, when yelled at, is anger or hurt. Such behavior is demeaning and induces self-esteem issues in kids.
Having discussed all this, let’s look at how ‘not to be’ the cause for negative emotions in our kids.
- When you want to tell your kids about a mistake that they are making, ensure that your temper is in check.
- When you are telling your kids where they went wrong, and maybe you are doing this for the umpteenth time for the same mistake, use tough love. Just do not demean them.
- When you are upset or angry with your kids, or even disappointed, do convey your feelings to them honestly. It is important for kids to learn the right and wrong from you, but remember to be respectful.
- When you think that you are losing your cool, take a step back. Remind yourself how you feel around people who scream at you, or even others. It is hurtful, annoying, and derogatory. It sends out messages like “You are useless and I don’t care about you.” So, do not resort to screaming.
- Never manipulate your kids.
It is easier to put people down and break them. The tough part is to be a loving, kind, yet tough parent who strives to fill his/her kids with confidence, good sense, and lots of self esteem. If you need specific help in achieving this for your child, post your queries here or watch our videos on Building Self Esteem in your kids.