There are certain sensitive topics that we as parents have to deal with extremely carefully. Lack of affection is one such area that can create a complex in the child. While many other things are understood and quite visible, this is a little behind the scene
Did you know the lack of affection can create a complex in your child?
The solution lies in the secure touch of love.
There are two types of affection:
1. Physical Touch
2. Mental Touch
Has it ever happened to you, when you go to see a newborn baby, it is happy and playful in the mother or grandmothers arm but as soon as you take her in your arms she starts crying?
You are perplexed by this behavior, you wonder if the child is intelligent enough to understand the difference. The simple difference is that in the mother’s touch the child sees parental warmth and affection. Lack of affection hampers the upbringing of children.
The absence of a secure touch can be really hard for kids. By secure touch, I mean the random hugs, the holding your child’s hand, ruffling their hair, and so on.
As a baby, the child receives immense love in the form of unending secure touch.
When children grow up, the touch gradually reduces. As children become more independent, unfortunately, the touch comes down to the least.
Naturally, kids require that touch. It shows love, affection, acceptance to them. The absence of this touch ends up making kids a little unsure about their identity.
You see, touch for kids means acceptance. The absence of touch, unknowingly, creates subtle anxiety.
We parents stop this secure touch rather unknowingly. We do not realize how much this impacts our kids.
When a child starts to grow, they need more and more parental warmth and affection. The child does not cry physically anymore so we do not run to take them in our arms or hug them but they do cry emotionally.
There is a gap and this is caused due to the lack of affection through touch.
Touch displays acceptability when you are comfortable with a person. On the other hand, if you don’t like someone and that person touches you, you immediately move. You want to create a distance physically.
What is the touch of love? Here are a few examples of affectionate touches of love:
- If you have a pet and you come home after a long day as soon as you enter the house they run to you. That is because they want that touch, they want to feel that affection. If our pets need that touch of affection, don’t our children need it too? Imagine how your pet will feel if you show them lack of affection.
- Even doctors assure that patients recover faster when the patients get a lot of warm secure touch. With love and warmth, a patient tends to get better much sooner than estimated.
- In old age homes what the old people miss is not the comfort but the lack of affection or the touch of a family member.
- When you meet a dear friend, do you stand at a distance? You want to shake their hands, hug them, pat on their back, in simple words, you greet them with that touch of affection. Can you imagine showing lack of affection to a dear friend?
Fill your child’s life with secure warm touches. In any family where there is a loving touch, a few things will happen –
- The child will believe they are important and valued since they are accepted.
- The child will not have bouts of lust. When they get enough non-sensual secure touch, their need for lust is not deep and profound.
- The child will not crave for a relationship outside the home to be understood. The relationship at home will look very solid and deep to the child.
Even in times of stress like exams, do you want your child to feel light and happy? One of the ways to do that is a lot of secure touches.
Lack of attachment in childhood can create complexes in the heart and mind of the child. You can get rid of all complexes with a touch of love.
Lack of affection gets deep-rooted, here are some things we can get started on-
- Before going to bed every day, let’s hug our children. Whether they are doing well or not, successful or not, try not to create that distance.
- Every morning when we see the child for the first time, hug them. Let’s start the day with a hug.
- If the children are leaving for school or college before us, let’s hug them and send them.
- If we are leaving for office or some other commitments and the child is still at home, let’s hug them before we leave.
Fill your child’s life with warm and secure hugs and the results will amaze you. There will be more love, happiness, and self-belief. Isn’t that all that we want?
Now, this was all about Physical touch.
Let’s get to Mental touch,
Being physically there for someone is very easy and feasible. Being there for someone mentally is a tough job sometimes. It can only get easier when you choose to take care of their well being and mental health.
Children need to be taken care of from each and every aspect. You need to present physically as well as mentally. Everyone thinks that children are always happy and fun-loving, but sometimes it’s not as it looks like. Children need mental support from an early age and if they don’t get that, they develop complexes which hamper their personality in every way possible.
We all need mental support so we look for people around us like friends, family, and other relatives.
On the other side, children at a tender age, have only parents for support.
Let’s look at some examples:
- Your child has had a bad day at school and seems low. You hug them but they resist or they don’t appreciate the hug. What do you do? Leave and continue doing your work? I hope not.
- Your child went to play and had a fight with a friend. he comes back home frustrated and angry. What do you do?
At all these times, you need to talk to them and understand what happened and why did it happen. Cover all the aspects of the scenario and give them solutions based on the situation. When you keep doing this for a long time since their childhood, they will develop a special bond with you and they will convey everything that is happening in their life to you. They will confide in you and will always be there for you no matter what.
They need the same in return though. They need you to always tell them about your day at work, share recipes and everything else that is happening around you.
There are two things that happen when you aren’t there for them,
If you won’t be there for them mentally from the start, they won’t share anything and will eventually turn into an introvert for you and the world.
They would feel like a stranger in their own house and become an introvert towards you. They might confide in their friends and other relatives. They will share everything with outsiders, which includes your behavior.
For a child, friends become lifeline after a while. They share everything and anything with them. If not, they won’t share anything with anyone in their whole life which will have a very bad effect on them in the long run.
Make sure you are the lifeline of your kid because you stick for the long run and friends come and go.
I hope you are doing all this in the right proportion. If not, start doing it now and see the changes that follow. You will be amazed!
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