“Love, don’t abuse.” This was a poster in a pediatrician’s office. I was taken aback. Does abuse by parents affect children? Abuse can destroy a child’s self-esteem
Children are not born with complexes. These complexes develop in them, over a period of time. Complexes are not developed because of what someone in the society said. Complexes are deeper because of different kinds of abuse by parents. Abuse by parents can unknowingly, destroy their child’s self-esteem.
It is very ironical that even though parents want their children to be filled with strength, they fill the child’s life with weaknesses. In other words, they subject their children to abuse.
Let’s talk about the different types of abuses-
There are 3 kinds of abuse by parents which are-
- Physical abuse by parents – In today’s world where you can’t even abuse an animal, we sometimes see parents hitting their kids. I have seen some parents, who are not bothered by the location or the surroundings if the child disobeys, they beat up the child. This harms the child’s self-esteem and makes them weak. Can a child ever get corrected or reformed if someone beats them up?
Physical abuse is the worst kind of abuse. With physical abuse you make the child feel that they are not good enough and they deserve all the disrespect in the world. If you genuinely want your child to have healthy self-esteem, use more constructive methods to discipline your child. Believe in communication and appreciation. If you want to touch the child, don’t touch the child to beat them, touch the child to hug them.
Physical abuse by parents shakes the foundation of self-worth for the kids.
- Emotional abuse by parents – Emotional abuse by parents happen when parents create fear or guilt in the child. Enticing them to become angry, disrespecting them through downgrading words and actions, is emotional abuse. Inducing shame, fear, anger etc. will ruin your child’s self-esteem.
When you play with the negative emotions of the child, you are engaging in emotional abuse. As a parent, you should actually do the opposite. You should try to remove shame, fear, guilt, anger or hurt from the life of the child.
Never make your child feel that you are ashamed of them or they are unwanted in your life. Emotional abuse by parents can completely destroy the child and fill them with disbelief. Children suddenly find nobody to confide in. They create a wall around themselves which can become very hard to break at later stages of the child’s life.
Take away the negative emotions from your child’s life, don’t be a cause of emotional abuse inside them.
- Intellectual abuse by parents– Insulting your kids in front of people saying, “She is very confused/ She is not very smart/ He has a wavering mind/ etc.” are forms of intellectual abuse. These statements are a sure-fire way to induce complex in your child. Putting your child down in front of outsiders can bring down the self-esteem of your kid. Encourage them and fill them with self-belief.
Do not use negative words for them especially when friends or relatives are home. Tell them that even if they fail, you believe, they can still succeed. Show them that you truly believe in them.
You have to be the person your children can fall back on. Do not shun away from appreciating your kids.
Have you ever wondered why your child back answers to you? When you have a suggestion, why do they lash back? Or, even when you tell your child they can, they do not have enough self-confidence to go ahead.
There are high chances that it is because physically, emotionally or intellectually the child has not been feed but they have been abused.
As parents, stay away, avoid and completely stop abuses.
I am sure you are looking to help your child be filled with self-belief, isn’t it?
Well, fill their lives with appreciations and hugs, do not abuse them. Abuse by parents is the worst during the formative years of the child. If you tend to hit the child or say words that hurt your child, stop it today. Fill your child’s life with warm secure hugs.
Now that you know the different kinds of sensitive abuses that can shape various complexes in kids, you are now equipped to avoid them forever.
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