How to deal with your mother in law beautifully well?
When are we truly happy? When we are surrounded by people who truly love & care about us. When love is assured. Or when we have a secure environment around us. It is crucial for a woman, especially, to feel secure wherever she is.
There comes a stage in life where a girl grows into a woman. She leaves the cosy nest of her parents to live with someone she loves. After marriage, she goes through a tremendous conversion of predicaments and people around her. She begins to adjust and involve herself to live with everyone associated with her husband. She craves to make everyone happy and be happy herself.
The happiness of women in her in-law’s place is dictated by her relationship equation with:
a) Her husband
b) Mother- in – Law.
The relationship between a husband and wife is pure as the driven snow. If this relationship works out well, everything else looks great.
The relationship between a mother-in-law & daughter-in-law is like fire & ice. It’s sensitive, tricky & tedious but extremely important for the happiness of newly married women.
The key reason behind the equation being complicated is societal pressure, lack of open communication, & a negative approach both parties have when building an equation.
Here are some easy tips to deal with your mother in law, rather, beautifully well.
1. Be open for advice, but do what feels right:
Mother’s in law often love to guide their daughter in law. They feel the need to pass on their torch of wisdom. You might go in your mind, “If taunting is spreading wisdom, then I don’t want it.”
Let’s consider one thing. A few decades later you will be a mother in law yourself. You will want to guide your daughter in law in many ways. You will do all that even when you will need a stick to walk around. Why? Because you will want to guide her the best way possible. Now, those ways may be right for you, but not for her. Maybe the generation then will have different views and methods. Every daughter in law goes through this same thing. Whenever a mother in law scolds or corrects, the daughter in law hears it in a taunting voice. You can either choose her ways or not. That will be your decision in the end. An openness to just hear her out may keep the spirits in both high.
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2. Stand up for yourself:
In some cases, it is possible that you find yourself in a spot, where things, outcomes, problems are blamed on your doing. This is a tactic used by people in order to pass on the blame of their own doing or when they feel threatened by the other person. It’s human & a psychological response which is triggered by rapid changes in the surrounding environment.
Stand up for yourself. Speak up with respect. Play your part. Keep empathy. Stay calm. In the end, do the right thing.
3. Take only as much you can bear with:
One common complaint daughters-in-law have against mothers-in-law is being burdened by a tonne of work. Now there are two ways to look at this problem:
a) Mothers-in-law do not realize the amount of pressure that they are putting on you & are not distributing the work efficiently resulting in work overload. This could be done ‘consciously’ as well as ‘not consciously’.
b) Either way, if it’s too much for you to bear, simply speak up. Talk to her. Propose a better way to distribute or complete the work.
In most cases, this will help you resolve the problem.
4. When it comes to your children, you know what is right:
Your mother in law might be asking you to feed your child honey every day. She might ask you to apply her own homemade oil on your baby’s hair. There might be many other things that you and your mother in law don’t agree upon. Whereas you know what is better suited for your child.
Just do what you feel is right for your child. Make your mother in law understand the situation. If not, simply avoid it. Talk with your husband and let him know the situation. Very politely make him understand why you are ignoring your mother in law’s advice. After all, she is his mother, no matter how much he agrees with you. So make sure you don’t sound like you are complaining. Instead, make him understand your position.
Read More: Giving your child a profound sense of belonging to the family!
5. If you can, just let it go:
This is the simplest thing to do. No headaches for yourself. No worries. Simply let it go. Why play that blame game? Why complain about her to your husband? Let it go.
Not always of course! You clearly know what is the right thing to do. Listen, Nod & respect. If it’s something that requires your co-operation not compromise. Do it anyway.
6. Talk to your husband:
Talk to your husband. If something is going wrong, just let him know. If you can’t do it right, talk to him. Being the son, he is in a better position to talk to his mother.
If you feel the need to share something with your husband, do it. No matter how big or small the topic is. Talk it out.
7. Don’t get carried away in an argument:
Always, always keep your calm.
In case the argument gets heated up, the best way to avoid is to walk away. Always measure your words before speaking out. Imagine, you are having an argument with your own mother, or your best friend or someone you love. Any language you won’t use with them is prohibited.
Try to keep the atmosphere calm. You are the daughter in law who intends to bring positive changes. Start doing it from yourself.
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8. Keep her on your side:
Be the daughter she never had. Literally. This is your responsibility and role as a good daughter in law. Women blend in and bind the families. They teach love to everyone. Yes! It might take a while with your mother in law. Just remember, she is also a mother, a daughter, a sister and wife of someone.
9. Make a pact with your husband:
More often than not, almost every woman faces this situation. She finds herself in the predicament where a third person seems to create distance between her and her husband. In this scenario, it can be your mother in law. Before such situations arise or when they do, make a pact with your husband. A pact that ‘whenever someone says anything about the spouse you will talk about it. You won’t judge each other. You won’t accuse one another. Just talk it out first.’
10. Be identical instead of maintaining equality:
You and your husband. Be identicals of each other instead of maintaining equality. There is a difference in the word ‘Equality’ & ‘Identical’. Identical means similar, equal means as per made. It is crucial for both, you and your husband, to be identicals of each other.
Discuss with your husband your responsibilities towards your in-laws. Each must play a vital role to deal with their owns and each other’s parents. After all, you built a family when you got married.
Not every mother in law is cruel and mean. There are better chances that yours is quite gentle than other mothers in law. She is now a part of your life. No matter how she is as a person, she is your husband’s mother. Respect your relationship. Endure it. Try to build a good relationship with her. Spend quality time with her. Practice mutual interests and get to know each other. Who knows maybe you end up being good friends? Who knows how powerful that relationship might get. There are chances even you might find her super cool. Spread all love you have in your heart. You will see how beautifully it grows in other people.