Yet again Jay’s mom didn’t allow him to go for a school trip. Ouch! Again, Jay was disappointed. Tears. Heart break. Anger. Sad too. Why this repeat story? Jay’s mom didn’t’ allow him to go for the school trips ever or she frequently met his schoolteacher, why was it so? What made her do his homework? She is following Jay’s activity all the time. Calling him at least 4-5 times a day, sometimes disturbing him in a class too. Her involvement with Jay’s every activity was little too much. Jay was disturbed with this. Was Jay’s mother a helicopter parent?
I know, you must be mirroring it with the recent film Helicopter Eela. Yes, it focuses on the same issue.
Let Us Understand What This Helicopter Parenting Is?
Helicopter parenting is a style of parenting where parents follow and guide their children all the time. They interfere in their children’s lives more than necessary.
Such parents deprive their children of ‘learning through experiences’. The kids are all the time thinking, will ‘this, this and that’ meet my parent’s approval? If not, forget about it. They know they will not be involved.
In the child is Basanthi and she had said, I will be returning with Jai but if she returns with Veeru, mom behaves like Gabbar. “Why did you not ask me?” she complains. The father stands helpless with the hands tied (and not cut yaar) like Thakur.
Ah haa! I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, you are NOT a helicopter parent. Well, well, well. Most helicopter parents DENY they are helicopter parents because they DO NOT REALIZE they are one.
Here are 10 Signs of Being a Helicopter Parent.
Find Out if You are One.
Excessive Involvement in Studies
Helicopter parents show excessive involvement in their child’s study. Sometimes they do their kid’s homework to make sure that it is complete.
Not Allowing a Child for Trips or Field Studies
That is simply because you can’t hover on the children when they are out. This fear doesn’t allow them to agree to let children go for the trips. Of course, they are afraid of the child’s safety too.
Meeting Teachers Frequently
Helicopter parents want to be there every time. So, they frequently visit the school, sometimes gossip and doubt their teaching methods. During the meeting, such parents become the voice of their kid. They will answer questions asked to their children.
Not Letting Children Solve Their Own Problems
Every parent gets worried when their children face any kind of problem. But do you help them solve it or you solve problems on their behalf? Helicopter parents, solve the problems of their children even though they can solve it by themselves.
Get Involved in the Fights with Friends
For E.g. Jay had a fight at the school with his friend. Instead of giving him a solution and empathizing him first, Jay’s mom immediately called his friend’s mom to complain.
Covering Up the Mistakes of the Children
Not letting your children realize their mistakes is a sign of helicopter parenting. Such parents try to cover their children’s mistake. Children fail to learn for their mistakes and become arrogant.
Keep a close eye on children
Helicopter parents hover on the children and keep inspecting what they are watching, reading or doing. Child’s concentration is distracted because of continuous interference. Parents also check the browsing history on the computers to know what children are doing.
Calling or messaging children frequently
Helicopter parents, call their children too frequently to check on where they are or what they are doing? I remember my mom calling me at least 4 to 5 times every day during my 20 minutes of travel from a college to home. That explains it all.
Not Involving Them in Daily Chores
Doing almost everything for children at home is another sign. These parents do even the kind of work that children should do for themselves. For Ex. keeping their shoes on a shoe rack. Parents, mostly mother will do this for her child rather than developing a discipline.
The Child Calls for Help All the Time
Children of helicopter parents need a helping hand in everything they do. Because they know that parents will respond immediately and their work will be done at ease.
This toxic style of parenting has a serious impact on the growth of children.
Why helicopter parenting is harmful?
Children’s ability to solve their own problem is questioned if parents are too much involved in every activity. Kids start believing that they cannot complete the task on their own and hence when they grow, they fail to take initiatives. Guidance and hand-holding are always demanded by these children. Ultimately they grow up with super low self-esteem. The kids may have dreams but they will not live up to their potentials.
The problem-solving capacity of children with helicopter parents is low because their parents are always there to solve the issues on the children’s behalf.
Nowadays, companies demand employees with higher intelligent quotient as well as the emotional quotient. Children with low problem-solving ability scores low on emotional quotient scale. It will adversely affect the career growth of the child.
Scheduling and Planning Capacity is Low
Helicopter parents have the habit of planning a day for their children. Hence, when they grow up, they lack this capacity of scheduling their own day. In any kind of work, planning is the key. Lack of this quality can hold the child back from having a successful career.
Fear of Failure is Stronger
Helicopter parents want their child to score better and hence they complete their homework too. So, they are not confident enough in exams and their fear of failure is higher. Their constant need of approval from the parents weakens their self-confidence which elevates the fear of failure.
Lack of Decision Making
Since parents have been taking decisions for their children, the decision-making capacity of the children diminishes. They fail to take decisions for themselves. Their trust in their decision making power is in doubt. Such children will constantly search for an approval on their actions and that may cause frustration further.
If ANY of the above-mentioned signs are familiar with your parenting style, then maybe it is time to redesign your parenting style. Understand the cons of this parenting style and make the necessary changes my dear parent.
Happy parenting to You!