The memory of little Anish cowering in fear when his father threatened to hit him for misbehaving, is stuck in my mind like a vivid picture. FEAR was etched all over his face.
“Do this or else…”. These words have never ever gone down well with any kid anywhere in the world. Why kids, even adults can’t take it.
Threats makes people feel ‘helpless’. Helplessness destroy more dreams than anything else.
Let’s understand why threats don’t work and should not
At some point of parenthood, we all have used threats. “If you don’t eat this, I will give you away.” Threats are bad practice, that only sets a system of control and never self-belief.
In another video, we have discussed why we need to be respectful towards kids. Threats is complete ‘disrespect’. How then, will threats work with kids?
When we continue to threaten our kids to get things done, one day, sooner or later, kids will turn around and say “Do what you want, I am not going to listen to you.” That day, you have lost the special bond with your child, forever.
Let’s give up on trying to ‘control’ our kids. Let us establish a relationship of understanding.
Here’s how to do that:
- Explain the concerns, the errors, the practices that they need to start and set boundaries.
- However hard it is, respectfully discussing mistakes with your child and setting mutually amicable boundaries will work
- Remember the thumb rule: Respect, don’t threaten. Discuss, don’t order. Guide, don’t control. Convince, don’t threaten.
When we hate being controlled or threatened, more so by our own loved ones, how will our little ones cope with threats?
To understand this better, watch the course video on Threat, from the course topic Building Self Esteem in kids.